Things they won't tell me at the open house

Photo by Karen Roach: Fotolia.

I started looking at condos and town homes the last few weeks and since the top of our list includes staying in Clear Creek School District and having enough bedrooms, I started looking at houses.
It's easy because I'm looking online and it's just a click of a button to include homes in the search, just like it's only a click of a button to include a pool or hardwood floors. There should be a button for: nice kids in the neighborhood, what the yard looks like after eight inches of rain, how many bugs live in the house and things that will need fixing three months after we move in.
I said I wasn't going to look at houses but it is a buyers market and I have to admit it would be nice to have a back yard to let the kid tear around in. For what we need, it really seems the way to go. Again I have a gazillion questions, probably most of which I already know the answer to.
Like exactly how sweltering is it going to be to mow a lawn in August? Do people really wear long pants while mowing like my father always insisted? Will there be a nice kid in the neighborhood who will mow in exchange for a pittance and a glass of lemonade?
Will taking care of a pool be as relaxing as I imagine it, or will I start giving my kid an allowance just to bribe her into doing it after the first autumn? Is an area pool better than a back yard pool? Do kids beat each other up at the neighborhood pool or is it customary for a poolside mom to give the hairy eyeball to kids getting out of hand trying to dunk each other?
How do you make sure to tell nature and all the wonders it brings to be wonderful outside of my house and not under my house, in the eve troughs, the attic space or the kitchen? Is there some sort of Hint from Heloise to keep the creepy crawlies out without poisoning my dog and kid?
Will the first summer storm scare me so bad that I make my husband reinforce windows and stock up on canned goods, flashlights and fresh water while our neighbors chuckle and get out their umbrellas and water proof flip-flops? Will the first hurricane be anything like an ice storm up North? Will I regret buying a house this close to the coast?
I can find number of bedrooms and square footage of the lot, now I just have to find a peep into the future.